The penalty miss lingering on the players’ minds, your opponents ‘South West Yorkshire Reds’ quickly pull two goals back. With 80 minutes on the clock, your lead is now only one goal. All hell breaks loose. The fans tear up the tifo, and gnaw on its delicious contents.

There is a real toxic atmosphere now. Sam Clucas has tripped and knocked Bojan into a ball boy, who staggers backwards and falls onto a plank of wood which had been resting on a barrel. Unfortunately, the barrel acts as a fulcrum and the ball boy’s collapse causes the opposite end of the planks to spring upwards, and propel an empty paint can fifty feet into the air. It lands squarely on Charlie Adam’s head and the midfielder can no longer see where he’s going. In a blind panic, he chops down Ryan Shawcross on the edge of the penalty area, causing the ball to run free to the opposition striker.

Butland runs out to block the shot, but slips on a banana skin, falling comically. Danny Batth rushes over to rescue the situation, but as he slides in to block the tap-in he’s hit on the head by an Acme hammer, and all hope is lost when a backtracking Bruno Martins Indi runs into a wall that he himself had painted two minutes earlier to catch road runner. 3-3.

And with half the Stoke squad now injured, with little birds flying around their heads, the away side score a fourth before full time. Stoke have lost, and the fans are not happy.

They are baying for blood. It’s time now. Fight or flight must kick in.
Do you run and hide to the sanctity of Delilah’s Bar?
Go out to the fans, and take the criticism that will inevitably come your way?

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