Right, this will be a serious hit to your finances, but you’re prepared to buy everyone a pint of £4.20 Pedigree if that’s what it takes. You turn to the member of staff behind the bar and order 87 pints.

“That’s £365.40 please”

“Okay, here’s my card”

“Sorry, we don’t take card.”

“You what?”

“Only cash”

“I’m the manager! Surely you can make an exception?”

“Only cash”

“Well, is there a nearby cash machine?”

“No, but I think we might be trialling them in 2027.”

“That’s no fucking use to me! What kind of medieval barter system is in operation at this fucking club? My life literally depends on being able to buy all these people a drink! Take it out my wages! Something!”

“Only cash”

As the fans in Delilah’s grow restless, there’s only one thing for it.